Mine.

I live to glorify the Lord.
I want nothing more than to have what God wants for me.
My selfish and pety desires to be washed away.
I want to be exactly what God wants me to be.
No matter what, I've always whispered, "I trust you."
And I've always meant it.

A night without sleep is not a big deal.
Because I'd rather invest the time in a friend.

I've come to discover that I'm one of two things.
Either.
Simple in a really complicated way.
Or.
Complicated in a really simple way.
I don't know which one though.

What a lovely night.
And what a lovely morning.
I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.
And that's really what it boils down to.
Am I the only one who feels this?

For the record, Pirate language on facebook is the greatest thing ever.

And also.
It's so very apparent how different we all are now.
I'm glad though.
The only thing is, I think this might be happening to early.
Shouldn't this happen in about a year?
I'm probably the only one who feels it.
It's always just me.
Well, I am a year ahead so that would make sense.
I don't know.

I do know that my body is quite aware of what's going on.
As far as that's concerned.
It's in sync with my heart.
It really always has been.

"If I told you things I did before
Told you how I used to be
Would you go along with someone like me?
If you knew my story word for word
Had all of my history
Would you go along with someone like me?

I did before and had my share
It didn't lead nowhere
I would go along with someone like you
It doesn't matter what you did
Who you were hanging with
We could stick around and see this night through

And we don't care about the young folks
Talking about the young style
And we don't care about the old folks
Talking about the old style too
And we don't care about their own faults
Talking about our own style
All we care about is talking
Talking only me and you

Usually when things has gone this far
People tend to disappear
No one will surprise me unless you do

I can tell there's something going on
Hours seems to disappear
Everyone is leaving, I'm still with you

It doesn't matter what we do
Where we are going to
We can stick around and see this night through

And we don't care about the young folks
Talking about the young style
And we don't care about the old folks
Talking about the old style too
And we don't care about their own faults
Talking about our own style
All we care about is talking
Talking only me and you

And we don't care about the young folks
Talking about the young style
And we don't care about the old folks
Talking about the old style too
And we don't care about their own faults
Talking about our own style
All we care about is talking
Talking only me and you
Talking only me and you

Talking only me and you
Talking only me and you"

That's the song.
=]

Something's happening here.

1. We're stronger than this. Right? There's movement here. An unfamiliar shift that I don't understand. And it scares me. I swear it does. I can't lose you.
2. All I know is that I don't know anything. And that's why I think I know. Just wait for it. And it will all make sense.
3. I've never seen anything but you. Ever. Even if someone else was in the backround, they've always been out of focus. Is it possible for you to become out of focus? Or is this how it will always be? Even if someone else takes center stage, you'll still remain there, for everyone to see?
4. I'm really enjoying you. I just want to hang out with you all of the time.
5. And to you guys. Why is everything so different? It's so different that it almost hurts. You're not the life I want anymore.

I miss you.
I do, I promise.
I hope you're keeping safe.

On an entirely different subject.
It is so hard to be patient with my mother when she acts the way she does.
Questioning the motives of everything.
What are her motives in all this questioning?
She's not asking because she wants to know.
It's a witch hunt with her.
And it always has been.

I had a wonderful amazing time this weekend.
With all these new people "dominating" my life.
Especially last night.
And especially Kat Howarth and Matthew Windseth.
Those people are special in every sense of the word.

Alter. Alter. Alter.
Humans are amazing.
God is so great.
So great.


And I can already tell exactly what this week will mean.

I've never been so glad things are the way they are, than right now.
I don't want it.
I'm happier than I could have been.
I'm sure of it now.

On another note,
I love you. I love you. I love you.
Be safe.
I love you.
Really.
I do.

And other than that, but sort of related.
I'd like to say that the feeling I usually try to ignore or just accept and continue anyway.
That feeling inside me that tells that someone is wrong.
That continuing this is wrong.
It doesn't exist with you.
And I praise the Lord for that.
You're affecting my life.
And I can barely even speak about it because it's so suprising all the time.
I think one thing, but then I'm wrong.
And because I'm wrong so much and because this is suprising me so much.
That's why I believe it's right.
Trust me when I can tell.

I am one with my experiences.
Afterall, life is a series of experiences.
Whether they're problems, interactions, complications, joyful happenings, etc.
I breathe through these experiences.
These little pieces of who I am.
I can take them and turn them into something beautiful.
Or I could destroy myself with them.
God forbid.
I can manipulate myself.
I can.
But I try not to.
I try to let myself flow.
As the wind.
I have gifts.
I do.
I can command the english language to do my bidding.
I carefully construct my sentences.
I have a certain control over ever word.
And I don't always remember this.
This is my power.
God has armed me with my words.
And I must choose what to do with that.
I should serve the Lord with my words.
But I must find a way to do so.
But not just any way.
The right way.

I just want to vomit.
It feels like my heart is bursting.
Stupid stupid stupid people.
Making stupid stupid stupid decisions.

Let the Lord fill this generation.
This stupid generation.
I'm ashamed of my generation.

I won't be around this ever again.

I'm finding myself through my words once more.
I always come back to this.
It just comes natural I guess.
But I really don't think I'm very talented.


Also, the concert last night was incredible.

I've met someone that makes me feel seasick.

I feel like I'm the same damn song stuck on repeat.

Had Moes tonight with Rachel, Brandon, and Connor.
Lovely evening.

Hey guess what?
I'm failing at school.
AGAIN.

I can't wait for youth tonight.
I can't wait till Eckerd College Day.
And then I can't wait for the Say Anything concert.
And then some delicious vegetarian sushi.
Mmm.
I'm so glad I'm a vegetarian.

Skycrest Youth Retreat in less than one hour.
A full weekend.
Alot can happen in one weekend.
=]
Let's hope at least.

So, I don't know.
=]
I'm hungry.
For some hospital food.
And for some love.

Sitting in the hospital with my Grandma all day.
I'll probably be doing this tomorrow as well.
I'm not looking forward to life without Grandma Rosalie.
I'll put it off as long as possible.
We all will.

Out of everyone ever.
The "I love you" would probably go to Meaghan.
And the "I'm sorry" might go to my siblings.

What do you want me to say?
All of you?
Please, I'd really like to know.